Friday, October 2, 2009


The Halloween Countdown--Day 2

Conal Cochran: "Ha ha. We had a TIME getting it here. You wouldn't believe how we did it."
--Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Way back (as Internet time is measured) in September, 2008, Dan Aykroyd* began pimping Crystal Head Vodka (Warning: 8 min. of tedious New Age flummery, paranormal bullshittery, Aspergerian perseveration and extravagant product claims). Yeah, I know: another celebrity-endorsed overpriced novelty vodka; what's the big deal?

Well, this:

*gasp* Pretty... shiny... skull-y... made to glisten and gleam in the moonlight...

Listen, for a skull collector** such as myself, this is nothing less than pure porn, a fetish item of high desirability, an object guaranteed to get me in good with the drunken little Goth Girls in black crushed velvet dresses and high-rise Doc Martens who wander the darkened cobblestone alleys of Richmond.***

There were just a few itsy-bitsy, teensie-weensie problems:
--$44.95 plus shipping.
--Not available in Virginia ABC stores
--NO (legal) shipping to Virginia.

Well, OMG/WTF?, what's a poor boy to do?


Oh, yeah! eBay sellers aren't worried about such trivial things as rules and regulations and shipping alcohol across state lines to possibly underage individuals; I could get one from eBay! Good ol' eBay!

But good ol' eBay wanted $100 plus shipping for an empty bottle. If you wanted a sealed, factory-fresh bottle complete with box you were going to have to pay a lot more.

Okay, I knew I was up against the Novelty Factor--back then Crystal Head Vodka news was all over the Internet and everybody wanted the bottle, therefore, sellers could charge whatever they wanted and someone would pay, but that someone wasn't going to be me. I pushed my Skull Lust to the back burner.

And then today I happened to be thinking "Ya know, it's been over a year, maybe the hoopla has died down a bit. Let's find out."

Friends, I'm here to tell you that good things do come to s/he who waits: just in time for Halloween the Virginia ABC stores now stock Crystal Head Vodka for $53.95/750 ml. and the bottle is every bit as pretty and shiny and skull-y as I imagined.

So if you're going to fancy-ass Halloween party this year or know an inveterate Halloween fan (over 21, please) you'd like to make very happy, this could be the Perfect Gift.

* Yes, that Dan Aykroyd.

** Mostly replicas, so relax. See some here and here.

*** Uh, that sounded creepier than I intended.


JSaM said...

I mention it only in passing, but the Crystal Head Vodka icon resides in the 'Boro's local Alphabet store, proudly and prominantly displayed on the counter. Asking price? "59.95" Ouch!

G. W. Ferguson said...

Damn, dude! The Athletic Boys' Club around the corner from my apartment has a nice display of 'em behind the counter for $53.95.

I failed to note the numerous aftermarket bottom-lit display stands all over teh intarwebs.

Anonymous said...

I was willing to try to get some here and ship it to you but looks like the unknown state of Iowa isn't one of the privileged places to sell this...

G. W. Ferguson said...

Aw, thanks, Diana! I now have one on display in my (horrificly cluttered)living room.

TURDZILLA ! said...

Although this is a pricey product, I find it to be an excellent ploy to lure barflys back to the house after the bar closes. What maiden half my age can resist drinking premium vodka from a crystal skull! Then once they see the elaborate LED light display i have arranged for my vodka thn its anklesbehind ears!!
Always the consumate showman, Turdzilla's charms & wit combined with the crystal skull is an excellent combo!
This is still only fantasy, just the thought of this warms my cockles. After a few shots from the crystal skull none of that matters.....
If this post is sloppy its because i'm drinking this premium vodka right now! YUM