Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My 2013 (Fantasy) Christmas List

Dear Santa,

Well, another year has come and gone during which I have been really good. Exceptionally good. Amazingly, outstandingly good. Not by choice, mind you, for at my age (and income level) the opportunities for being truly bad are few and far between, but we must judge people by their actions and not their intentions, right? Right? Oh, sweet Crom, I hope so.

The Noodle Incident doesn't count.

Anyway, the list...

Kindle books: any (or...ahem!...all) of the items on my Amazon.com Wish List would be greatly appreciated, but what I'd really like is a nice, shiny, new workspace. Okay, so maybe I don't actually "work" in my "workspace", so maybe I just want a cool-looking area to surf the Intarweb, watch YouTube videos of cute animals, suck up whatever looks interesting on Netflix, post the occasional blog entry, and perhaps write some tawdry little short stories (see Darkest Richmond). For those I'm going to need a work surface: the C-119 Flap Airplane Desk looks like a winner. Boy, does it ever! And if I get such a desk, I'm going to need something appropriate to sit on, like a F-4 Ejection Seat modified for home office use. Yeah, that's looking good. You know what else would be good? A new computer and I'm thinking the Alienware 18 Laptop fits the bill nicely. But we still need a touch of class, don't we? How about a tray of Doomed Crystal Skull Shotglasses? The perfect thing for chugging highly caffeinated beverages in small doses, say, Funranium Labs Black Blood of the Earth coffee extract (whose motto should be sleep and functioning kidneys are for the worthless and weak). And, just for the hell of it, how about a fancy letter opener? Maybe Ka-Bar's Black Kukri Machete? And a paperweight. A nice paperweight. A functional paperweight. A Magnum Research Desert Eagle in .50 AE, with polished chrome and muzzle brake. It can sit next to the Time Machine Chronambulator Dial Clock.

*sigh* Well, a fellow can dream, can't he?