Saturday, May 15, 2010

Grossest. Sarah Post. EVER!

I'm not kidding; this gets foul in a couple of paragraphs, so if you possess, uh, delicate sensibilities, you might want to switch over to Cute Overload right... about... now.

I don't know who feeds off of whom--Sarah claims since I have no life I live one vicariously through others, setting them up to do things for my own, personal amusement, which is probably true, more or less; on the other hand, I'm not entirely convinced Sarah doesn't revel in providing me voyeur fodder.

The latest example occurred Thursday night while I was walking through Carytown. There I was, minding my own business, walking briskly through Trendy Retail Hell, when I feel the tingly sensation of an incoming text message.

Sarah, who says,

"Who wants to hear the grossest thing ever?"

"Shoot," I thought, "I know (online friend) evilegg, the Queen of Gross (more on her later). How bad could it be?" So I responded with a (virtual) hearty "I do! I do!".


Then, "Last night I puked up one guy's cum on another guy's cock. Sloppiest seconds ever."

Followed by, "Also hard to explain: 'I have no idea what I ate earlier.'"

Oh, dear Jeebus.

"I was really tired by the end of the night, but I let it slip through my fingers last week, so I had to keep my eye on the prize. Gold medal in nude losing."

Yeah. I predict a nice, long, lucrative career for Sarah in Japanese porn (DON'T CLICK! RULE 34/"Once-you've-seen-it-you-can't-unsee-it" WARNING!).

Well, I had to share and so I notified the Mistress of Foulness, the Dame of Depravity, the Trolling Trollop herself, LJ friend evilegg, that " friend Sarah has just beaten your Grossness Score. Let me know if you want details and whether I should post 'em publicly."

Of course she did. And her reply?

"That's smokin'. She's on the most epic self destruction tour of all time."

So I texted this to Sarah, to which she replied, "No. What's smokin' is that I actually do call them tours. I'm a rock star of debauchery."

See? I don't need a life!

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