Saturday, May 15, 2010

Grossest. Sarah Post. EVER!

I'm not kidding; this gets foul in a couple of paragraphs, so if you possess, uh, delicate sensibilities, you might want to switch over to Cute Overload right... about... now.

I don't know who feeds off of whom--Sarah claims since I have no life I live one vicariously through others, setting them up to do things for my own, personal amusement, which is probably true, more or less; on the other hand, I'm not entirely convinced Sarah doesn't revel in providing me voyeur fodder.

The latest example occurred Thursday night while I was walking through Carytown. There I was, minding my own business, walking briskly through Trendy Retail Hell, when I feel the tingly sensation of an incoming text message.

Sarah, who says,

"Who wants to hear the grossest thing ever?"

"Shoot," I thought, "I know (online friend) evilegg, the Queen of Gross (more on her later). How bad could it be?" So I responded with a (virtual) hearty "I do! I do!".

Pause.

Then, "Last night I puked up one guy's cum on another guy's cock. Sloppiest seconds ever."

Followed by, "Also hard to explain: 'I have no idea what I ate earlier.'"

Oh, dear Jeebus.

"I was really tired by the end of the night, but I let it slip through my fingers last week, so I had to keep my eye on the prize. Gold medal in nude losing."

Yeah. I predict a nice, long, lucrative career for Sarah in Japanese porn (DON'T CLICK! RULE 34/"Once-you've-seen-it-you-can't-unsee-it" WARNING!).

Well, I had to share and so I notified the Mistress of Foulness, the Dame of Depravity, the Trolling Trollop herself, LJ friend evilegg, that "...my friend Sarah has just beaten your Grossness Score. Let me know if you want details and whether I should post 'em publicly."

Of course she did. And her reply?

"That's smokin'. She's on the most epic self destruction tour of all time."

So I texted this to Sarah, to which she replied, "No. What's smokin' is that I actually do call them tours. I'm a rock star of debauchery."

See? I don't need a life!

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