...stock up on canned bacon! Yoder's Canned Bacon (Warning: Baconporn!) to be precise, since there seems to be no alternative.
(yeah, y'all thought I was through with Baconpunk, didn't you? Fat *snicker!* chance.)
"Fully Cooked, Ready to Eat, 12 Cans per case, 40 to 50 slices per can," 10-yr. shelf life, refrigerate after opening, requires adult supervision, consult your cardiologist before using, and only $109.95!
Bacon. Is there any problem it can't make better?