Porn Tales (Not What You Think)

Over at Whitechapel,* Warren Ellis's discussion forum, they've been talking about porn shops (see so i just got to scream at a 60-ish year old man). Well, actually, they're mostly talking about what the porn shop counter clerks have to put up with from their customers, so, of course, I had to tell my little story:

(and, yes, I've told this before elsewhere but that was long ago and far away...)

From the other side of the counter...

My (former) girlfriend decided she wanted to get something...special...for her brother's boyfriend's birthday and so she asked me to take her to one of the local adult bookstores to see if they might have something...appropriate. Now, you have to understand that the girlfriend was a little hard of hearing and tended to speak RATHER LOUDLY at all times.

We get there and since this is the South where real, live, flesh-and-blood women simply do not appear in traditional adult bookstores (we have Priscilla's for those desiring an experience less filled with sleaze), we create something of a stir amongst the three or four customers, who shoot us nervous glances while kinda, sorta trying to disguise their sealed copies of Leather Lads and Tales of the Dungeon Master. Their unease increased as the Girlfriend started to look around and ask questions:

"DO COCK RINGS HAVE TO BE FITTED?"

"ARE THESE LUBES FLAVORED? DO THEY COME IN CHOCOLATE MINT? WHAT GOOD ARE THEY IF THEY DON'T COME IN FLAVORS?"

"IS THERE SUCH A THING AS GAY KARAOKE PORN?" (the brother's boyfriend was a big Karaoke fan)

The manager looked at me helplessly, I shrugged, saying "Hey, she's the one buying!", and the aforementioned customers quickly and quietly replaced their potential purchases and sped off into the night.


*Oh, the number of posts I've written in my head that begin with "Over at Whitechapel..." It is a prime source of bloggery inspiration and if I can ever conquer my innate laziness you shall read them all.