Friday, November 26, 2010

Once Again, Alone and Unsupervised...

In my previous post I mentioned The Black Blood of the Earth triple-cold-extracted supercoffee concentrate and then proceeded to generate a sales slogan for 'em based on a few anecdotes from their website:

When Subject 1′s cup of unadulterated was half empty, he grabbed his water bottle and poured the remainder into his clear glass coffee cup. He looks at it and then puts his hand up because He Needs An Adult. He said with concern, “I added water but it didn’t change color.” We all wandered over to peek into the dark heart of his mug. Even diluted to 50% of the original strength, it is still as black, oily, and potentially lethal as a tar pit.

While accurate, this can’t merely be called Scientific Coffee or even Weapons Grade Coffee. My brain went searching for terms that accurately described this creation. While the tar entity that killed Tasha Yar in ST:TNG came to mind, John Carpenter’s “Big Trouble In Little China” is what stuck. This coffee is the Black Blood Of The Earth (or BBotE for the sake of brevity).

No less an entity than Warren Ellis wrote:
The day {TBBotE} arrived, it went straight into the fridge, hissing slightly and frightening the other bottles. The next day, I had an early start, had to head into London — and found that I was out of energy drinks and was too fucked up to attempt making coffee because it involved operating machinery. So I dumped a big shot of The Black Blood into a glass, probably in the region of 100ml, mixed it with about 250ml of chilled almond milk and threw a bit of caramel syrup into it. (I like my coffee sweet, and keep a rack of Monin syrups handy.) I slung the glass back in the hope that it’d at least keep me going until I could get a Red Bull in London — which could have taken anything up to two hours.

Four hours later, I realised I hadn’t had or wanted a Red Bull.

That in itself is both magical and disturbing, given how much caffeine my system needs to tick over.

I’m fairly sure that more intensive doses could activate previously dormant areas of my brain, possibly giving me special mental powers.
--The Black Blood of the Earth: Early Results

And then later:
Sleep? Sleep is for YOU OTHER PEOPLE. You UNMODIFIED people. I will swap MY ENTIRE BLOOD VOLUME with the Black Blood, and develop POWERS.

Also yes probably also death BUT STILL.
--received goods 22nov10

And with those I became inspired.

Here's their current logo.
Here's my suggestion:

Why, yes, Bryan; I do have too much time on my hands!


Herr Direktor Funranium said...

While more than a few people claim that BBotE gives them what they need for art, rarely does it inspire art as the subject. Of course, as a frustrated volcanologist, I am a sucker for things with volcanoes in them. Thanks!

G. W. Ferguson said...

No, thank you! Coffee has been a recent topic of discussion on SML and discovering BBotE was, well, an epiphany.Keep up the good work!

Oh, and I'm a fellow volcanophile and a total sucker for cool images!

Oh, again--and a recovering Biology major, so the Beer Steins of Science are equally interesting!

Herr Direktor Funranium said...

Just checking, when you hear a new volcanic eruption announcement from the USGS (feh, waiting for CNN to announce one) do you instinctively look for flights to that place? No mastermind global domination dome is complete without rocket & volcano accessories.

As for the Steins of Science, I have been enjoying a fresh round of "Ohmigawd, this is beautiful and it wasn't bullshit" emails. .3 degree/hr beverage temperature gain per the Oregon State Research Hospital's misappropriated process sensors, even while it's owner was sipping on it adding her, and I quote, "dirty monkey heat" to the beverage by sipping on it.

G. W. Ferguson said...

I don't check flight schedules, but I DO look for volcano videos. Who needs porn when there are BIG eruptions being filmed?