Sunday, November 28, 2010

Oh, I'm SO Gonna Get Sued (Coffee Musings)

There's been some action over at my Facebook page ever since I posted links to my Impossible Xmas List, specifically regarding coffee wants and needs. Here's the most recent three-way (which may actually be a two-way since I strongly suspect DR and TZ to be a single life form):

DR: Thats an incredible Xmas list you have there, but for coffee may i suggest the exotic coffee beans that have passed through the digestive tract of a small mammal; it adds a certain flavor and expense to the coffee beans as it has to be collected by hand.

GW: At SML we shall now make coffee only from beans that have passed through the digestive tract of Scarlett Johansson! Beans ground by the crushing action of SJ's thighs!

TZ: Thats actually a very marketable idea...who wouldn't want coffee made from SJ's butt beans???

GW: That's what I'm sayin'! Hell, I'd settle for a bag o' beans held between her silken thighs for 30 sec., but then, I'm easy.

TZ: I'm tired of celebrity perfumes, lets have celebrity coffee, like maybe she just passes her hand over the coffee beans.

GW: TZ, we get this thing going and we'll make a fortune! Of course, securing SJ's cooperation might be tricky, but I'm guessing she'd rather do Celebrity Coffee than another tired Celebrity Scent.

DR: All we have to do is CUT OFF HER HAND and take it to our bean facility.

GW: ‎"Beans Blessed and Caressed by the Sacred Mummified Hand of Scarlett Johansson!"

And then I fired up

Let's see now... unattributed quotes used without permission, unlicensed use of a celebrity's likeness, implied threats of bodily harm, copyright violations, a non-existent product... I fearfully await the Stormtrooper knock of the local constabulary.



TZilla said...

you shall be fictionally sued by a fictional character.
shhhh there are two identical twins sharing one SSN and identity. its tag teaming dates and taking turns going to work. the downside is one car and not being outside at the same time. There is the potential that one of us will kill the other one and no one would ever know, this comes up often in conversations.

Dave Richmondi said...

never mind...... there is only one of us now, after the "never tell" secret was revealed and the ultimate penalty was carried out.....
any market for a fake severed hand of SJ, there are 2 available

G. W. Ferguson said...

DAMMIT! Now I'm an accessory to... huh... a couple of things. What exactly AM I an accessory to?

I wonder once SJ Coffee takes off if legal expenses will be tax deductible since the SHoSJ is an essential part of the business plan.

Hmmm. Maybe we can just subcontract SJ's services; it'll be more fun to watch the manufacturing process that way.

G. W. Ferguson said...

Oh, and MY fictional lawyer is a one hardass mofo.

JSaM said...

And also, "what has been read can not be unread!"