Just Some Random YouTubery

My Verizon DSL has been down since early yesterday morning, which makes me more than a little... pissy irritable. Not that I suffer from Intarweb addiction or anything. Oh, no, not I.

Damn it.

Anyway, my connection's back so here are a few YouTube videos that never fail to bring a smile to my face:

Necronomiconophilia

Veterans' Day and, paradoxically (I work for the VA), it's a holiday for me, which means lots o' time to cruise the Intarwebs for weird and unusual stuff, to wit:


A Cthulhu sculpture made from Miskatonic Valley Fine Arts!

"Miskatonic Valley Fine Art features sculptures by Joe Broers based on the 'Cthulhu Mythos' creations of H.P. Lovecraft and the 'Lovecraft Circle' of writers. Each sculpture is cast in resin, finished, and comes with fictitious 'documentation' that helps provide a feeling of verisimilitude to the project."

Such as...

If I had the money I'd send one to, well, a loooong list of people I know.

By the way, some years ago Stephen Hickman released a Cthulhu statuette that I SO wanted, but was, and still is, WAY out of my price range ($700 for the resin; $1200 for the bronze... if you can find one):


You reading, Cath? Forget Ganesha; you need Cthulhu! HE'LL remove obstacles for ya!

(spotted on Boing Boing)

Crystal Head Vodka Video

Remember me ranting about Crystal Head Vodka a while ago? Here? Well, MySpace friend Turdzilla!/MuddyBuddy Zombie was every bit as enamored as I; actually, more so, because he made a video:



Sweet!

"Your Strength Won't Stop Him! He's A SATIRIST!"

If you know me at all, you know I'm easily amused. These two Fantastic Four panels, out of context, purloined from a website wherein various artists interpret their favorite literary figure/author/character, had me laughing loud enough to scare the cat and wake the neighbors.

For some reason I'm reminded of my friend Wayne and John Goodman in Barton Fink:



(if you're short on time, the relevant 49 seconds are here)

Upshot? Today I'm envisioning an entire Post-Modern Punk School of Literary Criticism.

You may also enjoy:

Dude Watchin'With the Brontes
George Orwell Writes A Novel
Poe & Verne, BFF

Texting (But Not Sexting)

Deep within me beats the heart of a 16-yr. old girl (link NSFW... seriously, horribly NSFW). No, you're not going to find Jonas Brothers* posters on my walls nor stuffed unicorns in my bedroom, but I will admit to a deep, dark secret:

I love the HELL out of texting.

See, given that I'm not really a "people person," texting allows me to keep in touch without having to deal with that pesky face-to-face business (or talking on the phone, which I hate for reasons I've yet to understand), but more importantly, it is a neverending source of inexpensive entertainment.

First example: my friend Margie.

Margie was bitching about the men in her life and her difficulties in maintaining intimate relationships, so I gently suggested she might want to investigate the amazing and non-committal opportunities afforded by certain battery-powered devices, especially if I could publish her experiences online. Her reply:

If i cant hurt it & destroy its life i dont want anything to do with it. ergo no vibrators. blog that!

Much later (August, 2009) when we were talking about her giving me a ride home from the hospital after my cholecystectomy I mentioned I wasn't particular about what kind of transportation she had so long as it got me home and wasn't a van filled with naked men.

Van? we used 2 ride down broad st naked in a van & stop 2 fck on the top floor of the pkng garages. did u c me or smthng? that was a long time ago lol

Oh! And talk about your serendipity! As I was writing this I received another Margie-message:

Yea. i been dying to b blogged. u blog bout all ur future x wives cept me. im jealous

Well, here ya go, Margie!

But the Queen of Texting in GW-land remains my friend (and occasional fake-date) Sarah.


Back in December of 2008 she commented upon my prolonged absence from Super-Secret Support Group meetings:

People keep asking me if you relapsed. Can i tell them you spend your days shooting black tar heroin and impersonating lou reed in a motel bar by the airport?

To which I replied, sure, go ahead, build it up big, mention the new skintight black leather jumpsuit I've taken to wearing for days at a time.

Hell yeah.You're probably going to get some strange calls bc i'm not going to tell anyone i'm lying.

No one ever calls.

Really? What a bunch of turd burglars. so i guess they do just want gossip. I'm gonna tell so many lies. This is gonna be awesome.

Tell 'em I spend my spare hours posting sex videos on YouPorn and RedTube.

And We've joined forces to make newcomer (to Super-Secret Support Groups) porn. You went into seclusion, and that's why i had to come back to meetings. To recruit for the web site.

And these exchanges are immensely entertaining, but nowhere near as much fun as the random, unsolicited, infrequent, Twitter-like musings I receive.

--I'm at the fetish bar sitting by myself so my friends can make out in the other room. This is weird

--i just drove. (a bad thing since she's got a couple of DUIs) I think i might be a lesbian, cause i really seem to want to be locked in a cell block with a bunch of chicks.

--Excuse me, sir. What would you think if you saw my butthole and it was...stainy? Would you come back for a second helping? (a singularly intense WTF? moment for me)

--my wristband from the irish festival says "live responsibly" on it. I think that's asking too much. i have a hard enough time with "drink responsibly"

--I'm watching "big". I once walked in on my little sister watching the movie from the middle. She said, "so this movie is about tom hanks kidnapping a child?" Oh wait, a retard that kidnaps a child.

--I walked to exxon around 3am last night and ran into a bunch of kids lost in church hill and preached to them about swedish pop.

A couple of years ago Sarah worked briefly for Cleaning With A View, a local maid service whose employees cleaned your house while wearing skimpy outfits. She recently asked if I still had one of her business cards (I did) and would I send her a copy. I mentioned that I'd saved the image files from her time there and did she want those as well.

Nice. I never thought people would be downloading naked pictures of me off the web.

--If It's possible for waiting tables to qualify one as a bad ass, i definitely am today. I'm beginning to wonder if i've died and this is some dante-esque hell.

And this is why Sarah is the Queen:

Neptune-king of the seas, and my boobs.


* It occurs to me I've just confessed to another deep, dark secret--I'm 54 with no children and know who the Jonas Brothers are. I also know about Hannah Montana, The Wizards of Waverly Place, and iCarly. Obviously, I need a hobby. Or therapy.

In Need of Inspiration

Well, gee, I'm sort of at a loss now that the Halloween Countdown is finished; I enjoyed having a focal point for Secret Mountain Laboratory. I debated participating in National Novel Writing Month, the 30-day marathon creative writing orgy, but the idea I had was already taken* and I'm just not ready to commit to ~1700 semi-coherent words a day for an entire month without some sort of outline in mind. Been there, done that, failed miserably.

There is something cool coming up later in November: the Boris Karloff Blogathon, which looks to be a lot of fun--

Beginning on November 23 — Karloff’s 122nd birthday — and on through the 29th, bloggers far and wide are invited to post something about Boris, his life and his wide-ranging career.

There is much to explore… His film work spanned five decades. He clocked some 75 films through the silent era before he landed and nailed the iconic part of The Monster in Frankenstein, a film that is almost 80 years old and still seen and admired. The sequel, The Bride of Frankenstein, is a motion picture classic. In his path through the history of horror films, Karloff collaborated with James Whale, Val Lewton, Mario Bava and Roger Corman. He proved equally at ease in all genres, including comedies.

Lots of participants listed!

In the meantime, what to write? What to write? Eventually I'll think of something (I always do), but in the meantime I'm open to suggestions. What do you want to read? What can you stand to read? Don't make me start writing some sort of half-assed memoir of my life as a Monster Kid.

Think about it. Post a comment. Help me out here.

*I had a GREAT idea for a mystery novel; unfortunately, as I began researching things I found someone had already written exactly the story I wanted to tell--Glint by Joseph Valentinetti, should you be interested. Such is life.