Just a 2008 Halloween Re-Post...

Oh, yes, YES! It IS almost time! The weather is cooler, the leaves are turning, it's getting dark earlier... there's rain and wind and menacing clouds*... my Halloween Tree is up, the skull collection is dusted and nicely arrayed, and the cat is quaking under the bed for fear of being dyed black. I'm in the process of untangling the purple mini-lights and illuminated eyeball strands, and maybe this year, just maybe, I'll find the perfect Deathly Door Decoration.

Sweet Zombie Jeebus, I am SUCH a Halloween Junkie!

All I need is a party invitation.

C'mon guys; now is the time to be planning some Spooky Festivities and by including me you will automatically gain access to my vast collection of trashy horror movie.s my Halloweenesque mix CDs, my delightfully morbid/cynical sense of humor, plus, assuming you'll allow me to use your kitchen (mine is something of a disaster area), I'll even make a special dessert!

*crickets chirping*

No takers, huh? Well, let me give you the dessert recipe anyway because, well, because it's too good not to share:

Penn & Teller's Bleeding Heart Gelatin Dessert
(from Penn & Teller's How To Play With Your Food)

The title says it all. It's the perfect coup de grace for your intimate dinner at home. As your guests sip their coffee, you unveil a glistening pink gelatin heart on a pedestal cake stand. Then you whip out a carving knife and stab it. Dark, gooey blood issues majestically from the wound. You cut dainty slices off the lobes of the heart and flip them onto dessert plates. You hold each portion under the oozing gash until it is nicely sauced with gore, add a dollop of whipped cream, and serve.

INGREDIENTS
4 cups of water
4 3-oz. boxes or two 6-oz boxes of peach (pink; think of lung tissue) or strawberry (redder; think of livers and hearts) gelatin dessert mix.
4 envelopes unflavored gelatin
1 12-ounce can unsweetened evaporated milk

1/2 cup grenadine syrup
1 cup light corn syrup
1 small bottle (0.3 fl. oz.) red food coloring
3 drops blue food coloring
1 1-gallon food-storage bag (the plain kind without the zip closure)
6 1/2 cup heart-shaped gelatin mold or cake pan

PREPARATION
Boil the water. Put the packaged gelatin dessert and unflavored gelatin in a bowl and pour the boiling water over it, stirring constantly. Cool to room temperature (very important or the next step may present problems). Stir in the condensed milk. Note how it already is acquiring the color of freshly skinned flesh.

Pour the mixture into the gelatin mold. Cover the bottom of the mold (this will be the top when you serve it) with a layer about half an inch think. Refrigerate until it gels firmly.

Meanwhile, prepare a nice bladder of blood. Stir together the corn syrup, grenadine, and food colorings (we do it right in the measuring cup to save dish washing--every erg saved in preparation is an erg one can use to enjoy the Payoff). For the bladder (the bag that keeps the blood together inside the mass of gelatin) take the gallon-size food-storage bag and turn it inside out. Pour the blood mixture into one corner of the bag and twist it closed so that no air bubble is caught between the sauce and the twist. Tie a knot in the twisted plastic. Adjust the position of the knot so that when the bag lies on the counter, it's about 1 1/2 to 2 inches high, and tighten the knot. With a pair of scissors, snip off the frilly extra plastic outside the knot.

When the gelatin on the bottom of the mold is stiff and firm, position the bladder of blood in the mold, with the point of the bag just inside the point of the heart. Make sure there is at least 3/4" of space between all sides of the bag and the walls of the mold (this will ensure that your guests don't see clues ahead of time). Pour in the remaining gelatin until the mold is as full as you can handle. Don't worry if you see a little of the blood-bladder grazing the surface of the gelatin, as longs as it doesn't project too much; the side you are looking at now will be the bottom when you serve it.

Refrigerate until gelled firmly to the texture of fine, lean organ meat. It takes about 4 hours.

To unmold, put about 2 1/2 inches of hot, but not boiling water in your sink. Set your mold in the water so that the water comes just below the edge of the mold for 15 to 20 seconds; the time depends on the thickness of the mold pan. Remove the mold from the water, and run the blade of a knife around the edge of the gelatin. Invert your serving platter, ideally a white pedestal cake plate, on top and hold it firmly in place. Then use both hands to turn over the mold and the plate. Remove the mold; you may need to tap or shake the mold slightly to free the gelatin.

PRESENTATION
The blood looks prettiest when it flows over white plates, doilies, and table linen, which it may stain permanently--but what the hell, it's the effect that matters. To serve, use a nice, big Psycho-style chef's knife and stab the side of the gelatin about one third of the way up from the pointed end of the heart. Twist the knife slightly, and blood will start to ooze out. Bare your teeth like a Marine jabbing with bayonet, and widen the wound. When the blood is coming at a good slip, grab a dessert plate, and cut a slice from one of the lobes of the heart. Flip it onto the plate, and drizzle it with blood by holding it under the edge of the pedestal. Add whipped cream and serve.

This dish delights all five senses:
1. Sight: red, glossy, and elegantly surreal when the blood starts to flow.
2. Taste: sweeeet.
3. Smell: classic artificial-fruity
4. Touch: cold and wiggly.
5. Hearing: the screaming of guests.

I don't particularly like the Valentine's Day mold, myself, but fortunately there are... other... options at The Anatomical Chart Company, The Anatomy Warehouse, and all over the Web.

On the other hand, since zombies are all the rage these days this particular recipe might be even cooler with... BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!

Brain Jello Mold From The PrankPlace
Quiggle Adult Size "Brain" Gelatin Mold (warning: annoying music)
Archie McPhee's Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold
The Brain Gelatin Mold at Steve Spangler Science
Brain Gelatin Mold from Anatomical Chart Co. (via Amazon)
Or simply search the Intarweb--there seem to be dozens of varieties.


Mischief managed.**

*Which also means it's time for the State Fair because tradition demands a drizzly opening.

**Geezie-peezie, did I just make a Harry Potter reference? Someone really needs to assault me with a +5 Gauntlet of Bitchslapping.***

***Damnation, now it's Dungeon & Dragons references. What is wrong with me tonight?

Let's Get In the Halloween Mood!

The Halloween Countdown, Day 6

Some odds and ends I find appropriate for the Halloween season...

Some years ago I happened across an enigmatic little tome entitled The Mysteries of Harris Burdick (out of print but now available in a portfolio edition) by noted children's author/illustrator Chris Van Allsburg. There's no story, just a series of fourteen unrelated, captioned illustrations which could, the author suggests, be used as writing prompts; in fact, Stephen King did just that with "The House on Maple Street." I like looking at the pictures--they have the kind of strange, eerie, quiet charm I associate with Ray Bradbury.

She lowered the knife and it grew even brighter.

Tim Burton's first short, Vincent, has its own... uh... Burtonesque charm:

Vincent Malloy is seven years old
He’s always polite and does what he’s told
For a boy his age, he’s considerate and nice
But he wants to be just like Vincent Price
(read the entire poem here)

I love the fact Tim somehow managed to get the Vincent Price to recite it:

Mr. Burton is also responsible for Frankenweenie (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)


Ray Bradbury writes. What I didn't know is Ray Bradbury paints. Here's his oil-on-panel rendering of The Halloween Tree:


Autumn. Cool nights. Leaves changing. Bradbury. Halloween. It doesn't get better than this!.

The Boy Who Bought The Blob

The Halloween Countdown, Day 5


Sure, you've got your vampires and mummies and werewolves and zombies and so forth and so on, but sometimes, as my friend Sam likes to remind us, you just need a Blob.





Yep, that's good ol' Steve McQueen playing a 27-yr.old teenager taking on yer basic Nameless, Faceless Horror from Outer Space to a truly terrifying film score:



The real star of the film is, of course, the Blob and in one of those serendipitous "where are they now?" moments (Jeebus bless teh Intarwebs and The Gravedigger's Local 16 blog) I happened to run across this little piece of investigative reporting:

The Man Who Owns "The Blob"

During the course of this (tour of Valley Forge Films), (film director) Mr. Yeaworth pointed out a black five-gallon can, seemingly long forgotten in a dark corner. He told me the material used for the Blob was in it. He slowly opened the can, and there it was, in all of its blood red glory, the one and only world famous movie monster. The bucket was not full. It consisted of only about two gallons worth of material. Mr. Yeaworth quickly explained that what made the "Blob" appear so large on screen was the use of miniature sets.

A little wheeling and dealing later and...


Now, that's memorabilia!

A Bit of Spooky Nostalgia

The Halloween Countdown, Day 4

Last year on this date I mentioned that it was Time To Terrorize the Kids and spoke briefly of the spooky story anthologies I adored in elementary school, mostly babbling about Robert Arthur's Ghosts and More Ghosts. Today I'm going to take a stroll down Memory Lane (aka Senescence Street) with Alfred Hitchcock's Ghostly Gallery.

I do this because I happened to run across a blog called The Haunted Closet yesterday wherein "Brother Bill" of Phoenix, AZ posted some scans of the wonderful illustrations contained therein (click the pics to embiggen):






This is why I love teh Intarwebs; eventually I'll be able to recreate my entire childhood.

The Halloween Anthem

The Halloween Countdown, Day 3

We're talking, of course, about "The Monster Mash,"* but I'm going to let someone else do the work for me today:

"One of the brightest events in the history of the Chiller Theatre Expo took place that stormy October 2006 weekend when Bobby 'Boris' Pickett took the concert stage with The Dead Elvi and Chiller's favorite son Zacherle, the Cool Ghoul. None of in The Elvi knew at the time that Bobby was very ill. But, like the trouper he was, he proceeded to blast out one of his best performances ever ... if not his best... of his Halloween classic The Monster Mash!"

"Zach, who had covered this tune some 40-plus years earlier, let Bobby do his thing and take center stage. None of us on stage knew that this great performance would be Bobby's last live concert in front of a live ( mmmm...that's questionable ) audience! It was a night to remember not only for the Dead Elvi but for all who attended this now legendary performance!"

- Kevin Clement ("Mr. Chiller")

I especially like Bobby Pickett's line, "This is the song that Elvis Presley, the King himself, once called the dumbest thing he ever heard. So if you're out there tonight listening, Elvis... we're still here!"




Here's another version (with poorer sound quality) from 2005, the first time Zach and Bobby performed together:



"The two gents had both sung the song in the early Sixties — Bobby originated it, and Zach covered it on one of his wonderful horror-themed novelty-tune LPs** — but the two had never sung it together, and yes, it was a fanboy moment par excellence. The wonderful instant of having hundreds of people, all gathered in a college graduation style tent-on-the-lawn, all cheering simultaneously when two senior gentlemen launched into cheesy impressions of the immortal Karloff was oddly touching, as Zach was 87 and Bobby was a mere 67, but both of them could rock out with the best of them (taking a page from their role model, the immortal Boris). Both men had a ball pleasing the assembled fandom with this once and future anthem for the holiday, that Pickett's obit-writers took care to point out is one of the only records in the history of records (!) that ever hit the Billboard Top 100 in three separate years (once in '62, twice in the Seventies)."


* Though there are several other contenders. I'll get to those later; I promise.

**

Skullduggery

The Halloween Countdown--Day 2

Conal Cochran: "Ha ha. We had a TIME getting it here. You wouldn't believe how we did it."
--Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Way back (as Internet time is measured) in September, 2008, Dan Aykroyd* began pimping Crystal Head Vodka (Warning: 8 min. of tedious New Age flummery, paranormal bullshittery, Aspergerian perseveration and extravagant product claims). Yeah, I know: another celebrity-endorsed overpriced novelty vodka; what's the big deal?

Well, this:



*gasp* Pretty... shiny... skull-y... made to glisten and gleam in the moonlight...

Listen, for a skull collector** such as myself, this is nothing less than pure porn, a fetish item of high desirability, an object guaranteed to get me in good with the drunken little Goth Girls in black crushed velvet dresses and high-rise Doc Martens who wander the darkened cobblestone alleys of Richmond.***

There were just a few itsy-bitsy, teensie-weensie problems:
--$44.95 plus shipping.
--Not available in Virginia ABC stores
--NO (legal) shipping to Virginia.

Well, OMG/WTF?, what's a poor boy to do?

eBay.

Oh, yeah! eBay sellers aren't worried about such trivial things as rules and regulations and shipping alcohol across state lines to possibly underage individuals; I could get one from eBay! Good ol' eBay!

But good ol' eBay wanted $100 plus shipping for an empty bottle. If you wanted a sealed, factory-fresh bottle complete with box you were going to have to pay a lot more.

Okay, I knew I was up against the Novelty Factor--back then Crystal Head Vodka news was all over the Internet and everybody wanted the bottle, therefore, sellers could charge whatever they wanted and someone would pay, but that someone wasn't going to be me. I pushed my Skull Lust to the back burner.

And then today I happened to be thinking "Ya know, it's been over a year, maybe the hoopla has died down a bit. Let's find out."

Friends, I'm here to tell you that good things do come to s/he who waits: just in time for Halloween the Virginia ABC stores now stock Crystal Head Vodka for $53.95/750 ml. and the bottle is every bit as pretty and shiny and skull-y as I imagined.

So if you're going to fancy-ass Halloween party this year or know an inveterate Halloween fan (over 21, please) you'd like to make very happy, this could be the Perfect Gift.


* Yes, that Dan Aykroyd.

** Mostly replicas, so relax. See some here and here.

*** Uh, that sounded creepier than I intended.

The Halloween Countdown

"It's almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, and remember the Big Giveaway at nine. Don't miss it. And don't forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It's almost time."
--Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Yes, it is!

If you know me at all then you know I live for Halloween and not that prettied-up don't-the-children-look-cute-dressed-as-fairies-and-princesses-and lame-superheroes-let's-send-'em-out-into-the-dark-to-strangers'-houses-for-candy (not that there's anything wrong with scoring free candy); I want something...darker*. It is my fervent belief that if you're going to dress up for Halloween you need to be scary, else the day has no meaning. You wanna go as Ginger from Gilligan's Island? Fine, go as Ginger, but go as Ginger, if the boat never found the island! French maid outfit? No, French maid from beyond the grave! Cute widdle pussycat? No, rabid widdle pussycat! Superheroes? No, superheroes had their arch-nemeses claimed ultimate victory!

See, Halloween is about dark forces and imagination, about what if.... It's wondering about that noise in the cellar and things that go bump in the night. It's the one holiday of the year devoted to fantasy.**

And I'm not alone in this; to wit, The Halloween Countdown.

"The Halloween Countdown is something of a virtual neighborhood to go trick or treating in. Imagine a neighborhood where all of the neighbors really got into the spirit of the holiday and went all out with decorating their yards and homes and on top of that also handed out the coolest treats whenever some kid in a costume rang their doorbell. Well, you are that kid in a costume, and the participants in the countdown are the neighbors with the cool houses and candy. When you visit their blogs, you will essentially be ringing their doorbell and shouting "Trick or treat." rewarded by a solid thunk at the bottom of your plastic Halloween bucket which is their post for the day. In a way that's even better than the actual Halloween (no way! I hear you saying) you get to ring their doorbell and trick or treat every single day throughout October. Not only that, but there is bound to be over 100 houses for you to visit each day as well."



Come along and join the fun!

*Again, from Halloween III, Conal Cochran speaks:

{Y}ou don't really know much about Halloween; you thought no further than the strange custom of having your children wear masks and go out begging for candy.

(pauses)

It was the start of the year in our old Celtic lands, and we'd be waiting in our houses of wattles and clay. The barriers would be down, you see, between the real and the unreal, and the dead might be looking in to sit by our fires of turf.

(pauses)

Halloween, the festival of Samhain! The last great one took place three thousand years ago, when the hills ran red with the blood of animals and children.

Daniel Challis: Sacrifices.

Conal Cochran: It was part of our world, our craft.

Daniel Challis: Witchcraft.

Conal Cochran: To us, it was a way of controlling our environment. It's not so different now. It's time again. In the end, we don't decide these things, you know; the planets do. They're in alignment, and it's time again. The world's going to change tonight, doctor; I'm glad you'll be able to watch it. And... happy Halloween.

** Unless you're a die-hard atheist, in which case you have to deal with Judeo-Christian fantasy holidays like Christmas and Easter, either of which is pretty spooky when you get right down to it.