A few years ago my friend and occasional fake-date Sarah commented on my MySpace entry, "For Your Christmas Reading Pleasure,"
"yes! i know it's officially christmas when you post "the junky's christmas".
"now all i've got to do is find the cd of the alternative rock christmas songs, listen to it on repeat, spend time listening to my senile mother (and cassie) talk to my dog about the christmas tree, and get a "it's a wonderful life" speech from everyone who's known me for over five years and thinks i'm suicidal because i didn't go to college. then it'll really feel like christmas..."
Well, Sarah; this one's for you!
(for those not in the know, imagine an O. Henry character with a drug problem)
Text version (in unfortunately vivid colors) here.