Because I'm lame like that.
So, anyway, I'm cruisin' Whitechapel this morning (that's writer Warren Ellis's* discussion board) when I come across Warren initiating a thread asking writer/editor/photographer Richard Kadrey (whom I worship) what he's been up to these days.
Revelation: Mr. Kadrey is a funny, funny man!
But the only time to ever call me “Mr. Kadrey” is when I’m standing over you in assless leather chaps holding a cat o’ nine tails (in) one hand and a lubed-up bowling trophy in the other.
Yep, that was the first Diet Pepsi Spew O' the Day.
Later--and the writers I know personally (that's you, Wayne and Mark and Beth and Von and Anne) will appreciate this--
What it's like to finish a novel on time...
In an undisclosed location near Dick Cheney’s Hellmouth hideaway:
Time is a jellyfish, all gooey and full of stingy neurotoxins. Sitting in a blacked-out hotel room and slowly turning into a Morlock. Living on room service and Ritz crackers. Coffee and Pepsi Plus (or whatever the hell it's called) when I can emerge from my Fortress of Suckitude long enough to scuttle down to the lobby. Typing, typing, typing. Dreaming of George Bush diddling Paris Hilton's chihuahua. Must not weaken and call the porn girls I know at the club across town. No more writing for a while when I’m done with the book. Some speaking engagements, movie biz cocksucking (cocksucking is better than ass kissing because when you suck cock, you know when you’re done) and some travel. Maybe gunrunning to Oz. Those midgets are itching for a fight. Blood will glisten prettily on the Piss Yellow Brick Road.
Need food. Will watch an episode of Garth Marenhghi’s Dark Place on the computer and then it’s back to work.
Someone better buy this fucking book when it comes out next year or I will kick the devil’s ass. When you sell your soul, the prince of darkness needs to pony up or it’s clobberin’ time.
Sweet Buddha, I love this stuff!
*Who once provided a wonderful SatNiteSnick with "I'll never buy anything with Fantasy in the title. I have an irrational near-allergic reaction to the genre. I start seeing elves everywhere, and then I have to kill a puppy just to feel normal again."