Saturday, November 21, 2015

A Day At the Minute Man Minimall Part 1

Or, Why You Can't Take Me Anyplace Nice.

Ahem. (blows virtual dust off the surrounding digital landscape)

So there have been just a few little life changes since last I blogged. Let's see, I retired, I bought a new car, I grew a beard, I found a girlfriend, I turned 60, I had a heart attack, I had three stents placed in two coronary arteries, I developed Type II diabetes, I had to vacate my apartment in Richmond, VA after 24 years of residency because the landlord wanted to totally gut the place and charge oodles and oodles more rent, I did a major purging of books and possessions thereby proving once and for all I am not a hoarder (stop laughing; I can hear you), I relocated to Culpeper, VA and moved in with my girlfriend and her daughter and her daughter's husband and her daughter's cat...

Yeah. It's been interesting.

But that's not what I came here to talk about. I mean, if anyone is really curious I'll be glad to go into more detail on any one of those topics if you insist, though it's my guess you'd be better served by watching several hours of Nicholas Cage hosting incontinent ninja monkey wrestling.

Anyway, The Girlfriend, knowing my deep, abiding love for all things cool and kitsch, took me to the Minute Man MiniMall, your basic antique store/curio shop/indoor flea market, figuring it would be a fun, entertaining way to spend the afternoon.

She had no idea what she was getting into, poor thing. I mean, me in a store full of oddball items with only minimal adult supervision? Hijinks ensued.

It started innocently enough:

Look! A cool, albeit overpriced, walking stick!
Allow me to strike a stance and look imposing!

But then I started finding The Cool Stuff:

The Girlfriend was unaware of the proper method
for consuming moonshine from an earthenware jug,
so I had no choice but to demonstrate.

Well, it's a fez. You have to try
it on, dignity be damned.

It's Elvis. Attention must be paid.

Well, what else do you do when you encounter a plastic katana?

Then things got downright silly:

Yes, that's Alice from Alice in Wonderland.
Yes, that helmet is too damn small.
Or my head is too damn big.

So all in all, I had a great afternoon, I'm thoroughly enjoying Culpeper, and The Girlfriend is busy reconsidering some of her recent poor life choices.


James Robert Smith said...

Don't even try to tell me that you left without that license plate and helmet!!

G. W. Ferguson said...

Sadly, these items were vetoed by the coordinating committee.

Jakuza said...

Lee! I am going through my inbox, which had over 2500 emails in it, starting in 2006... And I re-discovered your blog. Oh my god am I glad I started this thankless task, it has really helped me remember some of the most beautiful things that have happened in my life--all of which, no coincidence, I'm sure, are people. The last time I was in town I asked how you were and someone said, "well, he retired and moved in with the love of his life, somewhere not here." I am so happy to find you being your awesome self and having a hell of a time. These pictures made me smile like a damn fool--you look great with a beard!