Countdown To Halloween--Day 4 (Make-Up!)

When I was a kid, way, way back in the 'Sixties, when the world was young and Shock Theater ruled the airwaves, when Forrest J Ackerman was nigh-on a god and Famous Monsters of Filmland was the Word and the Light, there one day appeared on the newsstands a special edition of FM, the...

And, oh! The World changed for many a Monster Kid! Now, instead of reading about monsters and thinking about monsters and dreaming of monsters, we could BECOME MONSTERS! At least, for a little while (though our parents might have disagreed).

Halloween would never be the same. The cheesy Collegeville costumes from the local five and dime? Forget 'em. Kid stuff. Let's raid mom's make-up table for eyebrow pencils and cold cream, figure out how to get our hands on some liquid latex and mortician's wax, appropriate ping pong balls, model paints, Karo syrup, food coloring, brushes and sponges and gauze and whatever, take over the bathroom and MAKE SOME MONSTERS! Rick Baker started out this way during his freshman year of high school, as a matter of fact.

Oh, it was great, messy, sometimes disappointing and sometimes surprising fun!

The Handbook stayed in print for some years, then eventually became a collector's item. Eventually, Imagine, Inc. acquired the rights and published it as a paperbound volume through five editions. It's currently out of print, but used copies are available all over the Intarwebs.

Better still, walt74 has made the pages of the original handbook available as a flickr set. If you're looking for a good introduction to fantasy make-up, if you need a few good ideas for this year's Halloween costume, if you're thinking about doing a Zombie Walk but don't know how to zombify yourself (and, especially, if you want to learn the secret to making gallons of stage quickly and cheaply), look no further!

The blogger in his decadent Super-8 youth, make-up and fx courtesy of JSam:

Countdown To Halloween--Day 3 (Poetry!)

My mother, the English teacher, loved poetry (and Greek mythology, but that's another story) and instilled a similar love in me through the simple expedient of reading aloud. Of course, being the twisted child I was, I particularly enjoyed those poems delving into the darker side of things. My mother didn't-- she particularly hated "The Yarn of the 'Nancy Bell'," wherein a sailor sings of being "a cook and a captain bold/And the mate of the Nancy brig/And a bo'sun tight and a midshipmite/And the crew of the captain's gig," a circumstance that came about after being shipwrecked and eating the other survivors.

Anyway, here are some suitably Halloween-ish verses.

LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE
by: James Whitcomb Riley (1849-1916)

INSCRIBED WITH ALL FAITH AND AFFECTION

To all the little children: -- The happy ones; and sad ones;
The sober and the silent ones; the boisterous and glad ones;
The good ones -- Yes, the good ones, too; and all the lovely bad ones.

Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay,
An' wash the cups an' saucers up, an' brush the crumbs away,
An' shoo the chickens off the porch, an' dust the hearth, an' sweep,
An' make the fire, an' bake the bread, an' earn her board-an'-keep;
An' all us other childern, when the supper-things is done,
We set around the kitchen fire an' has the mostest fun
A-list'nin' to the witch-tales 'at Annie tells about,
An' the Gobble-uns 'at gits you
Ef you
Don't
Watch
Out!

Wunst they wuz a little boy wouldn't say his prayers,--
An' when he went to bed at night, away up-stairs,
His Mammy heerd him holler, an' his Daddy heerd him bawl,
An' when they turn't the kivvers down, he wuzn't there at all!
An' they seeked him in the rafter-room, an' cubby-hole, an' press,
An' seeked him up the chimbly-flue, an' ever'-wheres, I guess;
But all they ever found wuz thist his pants an' roundabout:--
An' the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you
Don't
Watch
Out!

An' one time a little girl 'ud allus laugh an' grin,
An' make fun of ever' one, an' all her blood-an'-kin;
An' wunst, when they was "company," an' ole folks wuz there,
She mocked 'em an' shocked 'em, an' said she didn't care!
An' thist as she kicked her heels, an' turn't to run an' hide,
They wuz two great big Black Things a-standin' by her side,
An' they snatched her through the ceilin' 'fore she knowed what she's about!
An' the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you
Don't
Watch
Out!

An' little Orphant Annie says, when the blaze is blue,
An' the lamp-wick sputters, an' the wind goes woo-oo!
An' you hear the crickets quit, an' the moon is gray,
An' the lightnin'-bugs in dew is all squenched away,--
You better mind yer parunts, an' yer teachurs fond an' dear,
An' churish them 'at loves you, an' dry the orphant's tear,
An' he'p the pore an' needy ones 'at clusters all about,
Er the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you
Don't
Watch
Out!


HAUNTED HOUSE
By Jack Prelutsky

There's a house upon the hilltop
We will not go inside
For that is where the witches live,
Where ghosts and goblins hide.

Tonight they have their party,
All the lights are burning bright,
But oh we will not go inside
The haunted house tonight.

The demons there are whirling
And the spirits swirl about.
They sing their songs to Halloween.
"Come join the fun," they shout.

But we do not want to go there
So we run with all our might
And oh we will not go inside
The haunted house tonight.

VINCENT

By Tim Burton

Vincent Malloy is seven years old

He’s always polite and does what he’s told

For a boy his age, he’s considerate and nice

But he wants to be just like Vincent Price

(and the rest)

HALLOWEEN

by Stephen Lynch

Countdown To Halloween-- Day 2 (Postcards!)

I love vintage Halloween postcards! I'd collect 'em if I could, but they're tremendously popular and, consequently, hideously expensive. And, too, it's not as if my apartment needs to be filled with any more bric-a-brac.

Last year I had great fun with postcards and discovered Halloween was the time for unmarried women to see their future husbands.

These particular ones happen to be a little more... interesting... than most.

(ahem!)

Guess Pedobear is superfluous on Halloween.

This could be (mis)interpreted in so many ways.

Ah! Hot turn-o'-the-century babes!

Is the moon staring at... her ass?

Her expression seems to indicate things are not all that... uh... nightmarish.
Post-orgasmic, maybe, but not nightmarish.

 WTF? I mean, really! WTF?

What was her candy laced with?

Yep, that's me-- looking for the obscure, the outré, and the possibly obscene so you don't have to.

Countdown Lagniappe 1

Spotted on reddit a year or so ago and I agree, it's the most amazing Halloween costume ever!

Countdown To Halloween-- Day 1 (Books!)

What's this dusty, sad-looking website over here? Aw, jeez; it's my BLOG, poor neglected thing. But that's okay, it's October and time for another round of Countdown To Halloween, wherein I attempt to... to... well, let's let the organizers explain:

"The Halloween Countdown is something of a virtual neighborhood to go trick or treating in. Imagine a neighborhood where all of the neighbors really got into the spirit of the holiday and went all out with decorating their yards and homes and on top of that also handed out the coolest treats whenever some kid in a costume rang their doorbell. Well, you are that kid in a costume, and the participants in the countdown are the neighbors with the cool houses and candy. When you visit their blogs, you will essentially be ringing their doorbell and shouting 'Trick or treat.' rewarded by a solid thunk at the bottom of your plastic Halloween bucket which is their post for the day. In a way that's even better than the actual Halloween (no way! I hear you saying) you get to ring their doorbell and trick or treat every single day throughout October. Not only that, but there is bound to be over 100 houses for you to visit each day as well."

If you know me at all, then you know I revel in Halloween. Other holidays are, well, they're okay, but Halloween? Halloween is special. Halloween is about darkness and night and imagination; it's about what if.... It's wondering what, exactly, caused that noise in the cellar just now and whether things that go bump in the night should be investigated... or quietly ignored from beneath the safety of the bed covers. It's cooling temperatures and cold, crisp apples, it's falling leaves and skeletal trees outlined against the twilight autumn sky...

I just gave myself the shivers.

Now, since I have a major book obsession, I figured this year I'd start off with some Halloween-related reading material. You know, just some little somethings to help us get into the spirit of things. Caveat: these are items on my Wish List; I don't own any of them yet, but a cursory glance makes me think these would be fantastic additions to anyone's Library of Spooky Stuff.

Halloween Nation: Behind the Scenes of America's Fright Night by Lesley Pratt Bannatyne (nice review by Spooky Little Girl).

Halloween: An American Holiday, An American History by Lesley Pratt Bannatyne.

Death Makes A Holiday: A Cultural History of Halloween by David J. Skal (author of The Monster Show: A Cultural History of Horror, which I have read and which is, pardon the expression, frightfully good).

Extreme Pumpkins: Diabolical Do-It-Yourself Designs To Amuse Your Friends and Scare Your Neighbors by Tom Nardone.

Extreme Pumpkins II: Take Back Halloween and Freak Out A Few More Neighbors by Tom Nardone
"At what point did the carving of pumpkins turn into a "cute" event? When did boys stop carving pumpkins and moms start? Where did we lose touch with one of the year's coolest events?"

"Today we will seize back this ritual. Today is the day we throw away those safe, cute carving tools. Today we will buy a big, ugly, pumpkin so large one man cannot lift or move it. Today. We will carve that sumbitch into something ugly and plop it on the front porch. October 31st we will light it brightly enough to give visiting children suntans."

"Pumpkin carving is reborn."

October Dreams: A Celebration of Halloween ed. by Richard Chizmar & Robert Morrish.

And because I live in Richmond, VA, Richmond Macabre: Nightmares From The River City ed. by Beth Brown and Phil Ford (review here).

Not directly Halloween-related and not available until Oct. 24, but this looks to be quite the, uh, coffin-table book (sorry): The Empire of Death: A Cultural History of Ossuaries and Charnal Houses by Paul Koudounaris.

"The sites in this specially photographed and brilliantly original study range from the Monastery of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Palermo, where the living would visit mummified or skeletal remains and lovingly dress them; to the Paris catacombs; to fantastic bone-encrusted creations in Austria, Cambodia, the Czech Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, Germany, Greece, Italy, Peru, Portugal, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Switzerland, and elsewhere."

"Paul Koudounaris photographed more than seventy sites for this book. He analyzes the role of these remarkable memorials within the cultures that created them, as well as the mythology and folklore that developed around them, and skillfully traces a remarkable human endeavor. 290 photographs, 260 in color. "

By the way, if you're at all familiar with the All Hallow's Read concept--during the week of Halloween, or on the night itself, give someone a scary book--these would be perfect!

Have at it!

For The Record (A Cave Mystery)

So a couple of years ago I was looking up some information about my hometown (Waynesboro, VA) and ran across this:

"A cave entrance beneath a section of Riverview Cemetery was uncovered in the 1950s when the hill near Ridgeview Park was landscaped. Some caskets were relocated and the opening was sealed."
--"Riverview Cemetary (sic): A Walk-Through History"

Wait... what? How could I not know this? I immediately dashed off an e-mail to my friend, Cathy, former Waynesborian and fellow cave enthusiast.

Cathy: A cave? Cool! (Although I guess not exactly good for a cemetery!)

There is a cave opening in a cliff overlooking the river just past the park, overlooking where that little island used to be. (Local family) built a house on the land above it, and eventually they put up a fence to keep us kids from going near it. It was a big entrance, but it narrowed very quickly, so there was no real exploring opportunity. I wonder how many more caves are lurking in that area?

G. W.: I did not know that and it's funny you should ask. I was looking through my copy of Descriptions of Virginia Caves (Holsinger, 1975) last night and found a couple, either of which may be the one to which you're referring. If I was TRULY obsessive I'd enter the coordinates into Google Maps and see what's what!

BYLERS CAVE: Waynesboro East quadrangle (175D), lat. 38 deg. 05' 30" N., long. 79 deg. 55' 20" W., elev. 1400. This is a small, 50-foot long cave located near a barn. (Report by P. C. Lucas)

SKYLINE CAVE: Waynesboro East quadrangle (175D), lat. 38 deg. 05' 31 N., long. 78 deg. 55' 21" W., elev. 1400. The entrance is 15 feet wide and leads to a 30-foot-long passage that averages 3 feet in height. (Report by John Tichenor)

More are listed in Caves of Virginia (Douglas, 1964), but I don't have a copy (oh, I want one SO much); that book is long out of print. Descriptions there were not duplicated in the 1975 book, so I have no details on the cave at Coyner Springs, for example. I suppose there's always interlibrary loan...

Cathy: We were forbidden to go to that cave overlooking the river, but that didn't stop my neighborhood cadre back in the day! We discovered it long before the (local family) built that house. (Well, long in terms of kid time. I'm sure it was probably a year or two max before they put up the fence.) I wonder if you could see it from the river... or if foliage has grown up to obscure it. Or maybe the (local family) (or another owner) sealed it up, a la the Coiner Springs cave. You can hardly find that anymore--so much foliage over the big concrete slab.


So... Where do you think this cave at the cemetery could be located? would it have been in the side of the hill? How could it have gone unnoticed until landscaping... the hill is not really WOODED or anything... I'm just full of questions.

G. W.: You're asking the EXACT same questions I'VE been asking. Last night I discovered that both the Virginia Historical Society and the Virginia State Library have copies of Caves of Virginia (1964) amongst* their holdings, probably also the Richmond Area Speleological Society, so I figure those are good places to start looking for further information**. I'm also thinking seriously about contacting this K. W. Stanley, who wrote the article to which I linked, and finding out where he got HIS information.

Some cave entrances get covered with dirt and rubble over time; it's entirely possible it was hidden from view until someone did some digging and happened upon it by accident. Actually, I gather this happens fairly frequently.

I am DYING to know more, especially since I LOVE a good mystery! Hot damn, a project at last!

And all this has inspired me to renew my long-lapsed membership in the National Speleological Society.


*"Amongst." Did I REALLY just type "amongst"? Who writes like that?

**I looked at U. VA's copy years ago when I lived in C'ville and meant to photocopy the Augusta Co. section but never got around to it. There were some neat entries--he talked about a small cave in Staunton's Gypsy Hill Park (there's another one outside the park described in Holsinger as "a low, muddy crawl of no significance) and mentions that children used to play there and left candles. The cave at Coyner Springs is mentioned, so it is very likely there'll be an entry for this one.

Cathy: Let me know what you find out... I'm trying to recall anyplace that smacked of sealed up cave up there. We used to play up there a fair amount, it being nearby and everyone having a penchant for being creeped out and scared... I would think it would on or near the slope of the hill, but there were no graves ON the slope. If I recall, there is concrete surrounding or near that brick caretakers building--I wonder if that could have anything to do with it. Damn... why did I not know this as a kid. I would have been SO into exploring! Looking for alternate entrances and such. I'm sure one lies beneath the skeery Withrow monument...

G. W.: This occurred to me: what if the reporter or his source got the facts wrong or just plain misremembered? The cemetery behind The Purple Foot/Centre For Shopping rests on similar terrain. Yeah, I've got to look into this more (ahem!) deeply.

And funny you should mention alternate entrances. I've often wondered if there are any to the Coyner Springs cave, so why not the Riverview? And what if the cave you mentioned (which I also want to know more about) and Ridgeview CONNECTED? Okay, that's not likely, but it's a GREAT fantasy.

--Interesting...

Later...

Bought a copy of Caves of Virginia (1964) via Amazon for $50 and received it yesterday; did a lot of cross-referencing with Descriptions of Virginia Caves (1975) and Google Maps Satellite View*. Bottom line: there are a couple of recorded caves northeast of Coiner Springs near the railroad tracks and not too far from where my parents lived on Nicholson Dr. (that whole Stratford Commons housing development), Bylers and Skyline (see previous e-mail), but nothing listed east of there. This doesn't mean the Ridgeview and the other cave aren't known; it just means they weren't listed in these two surveys. Many more caves have been described since then**(1700 by 2002, bringing Virginia's total to 4000), but the current feeling amongst NSS/VSS members is never again will precise locations be available to the general public. This makes things a little difficult for me to research.

On the other hand, we may yet be on to something--these caves (if the Riverview one exists) may not be known.

I'm particularly interested in tracking down the Baugher cave entrance and getting its GPS coordinates (guess I'll be buying one of those handheld thingies soon) at the very least, so I may soon combine a visit to Mom with a little hiking and exploring.

By the way, here's the Coiner Spring cave description:
lat. 38-03-12; long. 78-55-56 "The cave is 3 mi. SW of Waynesboro at Waynesboro City spring (Coiner Spring) and is about 125 ft. long."

And Gypsy Hill Park:
lat. 38-09-47; long. 79-05-00 "It consists of 2 small rooms filled with candles brought in by children. Very warm and dry."

*Which is just a DANGEROUS thing to play with, given its timesucking potential.

** http://www.virginiacaves.org/4000Caves.html
See also the "Our History" link at the Virginia Speleological Survey webpage.

Cathy: Cool!


Here's the thing with the cave (if they haven't closed it off, which they well might have. It really was the very definition of attractive nuisance, even if it was too narrow to get into)--remember where that island was in the river right near where the park ended and the (local family's) property began? Before there was a fence (and before the house was built--and I think that was probably around '67 or so), there were some bushes blocking the way. So we'd wade in the shallow water between the island and the riverbank to get around. Maybe the reason the cave isn't noted anywhere is that you could not go into it, as it just narrowed down to a very tiny crack very quickly. There was enough room for one (maybe two) kids to sit in the mouth of it, though, shallow as it was. We used to sneak in after they put up the fence too, but once they built that little tram skycar to the ill-fated house they built for the daughter and her husband across the river (the house was destroyed by either the Camille or Agnes flood--can't recall which now--not sure of the fate of the skycar), we didn't make the attempt anymore.


The upshot being... approach the site from the shallows of the river in that spot. The (local family's) home is on a cliff that looms above where the island was (or, maybe another has formed there since they dredged it out decades ago?), and the cave mouth is in the cliff, about halfway up, IIRC.


I don't remember the Gypsy Hill Cave as a kid, although I read about it later--maybe when I was in high school. Is it sealed now? I think so.


And of course, the Coiner Spring cave, the concrete seal of which is so overgrown now it's hard to locate it--at least that was the case the last time I was there a couple of years ago. I remember being SO insulted and angry when we went there on our 1st grade school picnic to find it sealed up... but I swear the concrete block moved aslant between the time we discovered it was sealed and the time we packed up to head for home. Creeped me out! But it was probably just my overactive imagination... again.


Maybe some ridge-walking is in order along the crest of that cemetery hill there!

The blocked cave entrance at Coyner Springs

Oh, by the way... Don't know if you have heard about the new passages and rather amazing formations discovered rather recently (within the last decade, at least) in Grand Caverns...


I found these photos when I was researching for the novel, and I used them as reference for Grace and Stuart's private off trail adventure (unfortunately, there is now a very obnoxious popup that looms there... but some of the speleothems are cool--an anthodite too, which puts the kybosh on Skyline Cavern's claims...)

So, of course, I had to track down the cave by the river and take some pics:

Cathy: Wow! I never realized there were THREE openings (maybe four, given the looks of the base of the cliff). We used to climb up to the biggest opening (the one on the top right) and sit in it on hot days. Only one or two of us could fit there, as you can see. There was a "beach" at the base of the cliff--it was right across from the island, and the river was VERY shallow. Maybe the opening at the cliff bottom was covered up by the sand and pebbles. They REALLY dredged that island away, huh??


The other openings must have been hidden by vines and such--there was a lot of vegetation on the cliff. And I remember the rock being much redder. Hmmm. So much for accurate memories!


That is so cool!

But DAMN! That cave. I know that the  big opening constricts severely a foot or so into the bluff, so there is no way to squeeze through that. I expect the other openings are similar. But that one at the bottom... now that could have possibilities. Wouldn't it be cool if there were beautifully decorated "rooms" beneath the park? Odds are that there are no big chambers, but still... A girl can hope, can't she?

But the question remained, is there a connection between the cave openings by the river and the cave in the cemetery? I posed this question on Facebook and got this response from a local:

Cavern under the cemetery
allright dude... my aunt shirley told me when she was a little girl, granddad and her went to the west side of the park and up the river. about where the cable car is (was) they found a small cave there that had a draw. granddaddy built a fire in front of the cave and said there had to be an outlet somewhere so they headed back to their house (on linden before any other houses or road even were built just a dirt road) on the way back they saw smoke coming out on top of the hill (cemetery). they walked to find the smoke was coming out the middle of a clump of cedar trees right out the middle of them. the trees are still there i dont get it but thats what i was told. ive seen the cave by the river before in the 80s. she is 70yrs old now so when they were there she was 8yrs old or younger so were talking in the late 1940s so there you go man hope you enjoyed this.

So the bottom line is this: there's a possibly undocumented cave system running from Riverview Cemetery to the banks of the South River, a decent distance, in Waynesboro, VA. It may or may not be explorable, but it's there.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Yeah, I had a birthday a couple of days ago. No big deal--56 going on 16 if you're really interested--and not a particularly eventful day, though I did get a couple of unexpected birthday cards, one from my aunt in Albuquerque (where you're supposed to turn left) and one from my Uncle John in Hagerstown, MD (Uncle John is the "Porter" in those Lionel-Porter chemistry sets so popular amongst budding mad scientists in the early '60s).

My mother, unfortunately, is in no state to remember my birthday (due to "advancing senile dementia of the Alzheimer's type"), so the one person who was most likely to send me a card or gift is no longer capable of doing so. That's okay, though; I got lots of birthday wishes via Facebook and one singular present from me to me:

That's a Smith & Wesson* H. R. T. (for "Hostage Rescue Team") out-the-front spring-assisted knife (not a switchblade, technically speaking) with 3" blade.**

I have no earthly reason for owning one; in fact, since I wouldn't dare carry it outside the house, its primary purpose is as a glorified letter/package opener...

A letter opener that looks way-cool and goes "shhhhh-CHING!" with a little, slightly awkward, manipulation.

But it's great fun to play with, though the cat becomes a little concerned when I stalk around the living room with the day's mail saying, "Why? So? SERIOUS?"

Hey, I'm an easily amused 16-yr.-old trapped in a middle-aged body.


*It's actually manufactured by Taylor Brands LLC; they merely licensed the S & W name.

**Interesting note: in Virginia, where I live, it is not technically illegal to own a switchblade; however, it is illegal to sell, trade, or barter one and, in a classic example of Catch-22, possession is considered to be prima facie evidence of intent to sell.