Thursday, December 3, 2009

"I Double-Dog Dare Ya!"

So last night I got a text message from my friend Margie: "Check yr email."

Easy enough! But wait... what's this? "Merry Christmas" and a hyperlink? Hmmm...

My friend Bill G. has a nasty habit of e-mailing me links to.... unpleasant... web sites, (it's exactly what you think it is and, no, I will NOT make it easy for you to investigate) being the least offensive to date (let's not talk about his deliberate--and my unwitting--forays into; as a consequence I'm deeply suspicious of unannotated URLs. Still, this is Margie we're talking about--she loves a good piece of crude humor as much as any of my acquaintances, but she's not likely to send me somewhere utterly disgusting... right? Besides, it was a YouTube link; how bad could it be?

Bad. Really bad.

I acknowledged her text with an appropriately snide comment to which she replied, "blog THAT!"

G.W.: Is that a dare?
M: yep!
G.W.: What's in it for me?
M: my respect
G.W.: Does that come with cheesecake?
M: absolutely
G.W. Will you deliver it to my door? Nekkid?

(because naked women bearing cheesecake--or pizza, or nachos, or fried chicken or garlic hummus--are always welcome at my place!)

M: sure
G.W.: Okay, then.

Brace yourselves...

Scary. The only way for me to get through this without massive insulin therapy was to imagine David Bowie suddenly ripping off his clothing to reveal an outfit from his Ziggy Stardust days. Or even better, Bing Crosby rips off his clothing to reveal an outfit from Bowie's Ziggy Stardust days.

With lederhosen.

Personally, I'm more a fan of Cthulhu Carols, especially since has declared December Belongs to Cthulhu.

There's a seasonal celebration I can support. In fact, there's my theme for the month!

So, Margie? You now owe me cheesecake and gratuitous nudity. I don't care how cold it gets, hop to it.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for not explaining the cheesecake story and what I (we'll) do for cheesecake! Not anywhere near what we bacon-whores will do for bacon but... Wait a minute - I have a vision of a christmas tree wrapped in a bacon garland! Margie

G. W. Ferguson said...

That will always be our (ahem!) little secret!